On silence

This is very hard to write, much less post. But you’re probably wondering why there haven’t been any posts here lately, so I thought I should explain why.

You may remember that I mentioned an illness in the family several months ago. The family member in question was my father, and there for a while, we had a lot of cause for optimism. But last weekend, he unexpectedly got worse, and a week ago today he slipped away, very quietly, while I was still thinking he’d be all right. I hope that none of you out there ever have to receive a predawn phone call from a hospital.

Nearly everyone loses their parents at some point in their lives, but I wasn’t expecting to lose one of mine before I turned thirty. I’ve been away attending to administrative matters and helping to arrange the funeral, which was yesterday. I would say that it provided some sense of closure, but I’m still numb.

There aren’t any more words. There will be, eventually, but now I can’t write anything else. In large part because writing it makes it more real.

21 Responses to “On silence”

  1. tangognat says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss.

  2. wolfangel says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  3. My sincere condolences. Be well.

  4. George says:

    This is very sad news. I feel for you and your family.

  5. Mike says:

    Take care, Amanda. I hope you’re OK.
    Know that the writing helps. It really does.

  6. cindy says:

    I’m so sorry, Amanda.

  7. Sarah says:

    Mia cara, I’m so very sorry. Take care.

  8. Heather says:

    I’m very sorry to read about your loss. My father died before I was thirty and it was a very hard and a very confusing time. I found that the grief moved in waves, very slowly ebbing and then taking me by suprise at the oddest times. Be gentle with yourself.

  9. Harrison says:

    Oh, lord, I’m so sorry. Make sure to take good care of yourself.

  10. Michelle says:

    Amanda, I am so very sorry to hear this. I know what the pre-dawn call is like as my father-in-law passed away in the early morning hours at a hospital as well but I personally have never sustained a loss like yours. I hope that you and your family and friends can take care of each other and find the solace you need as you grieve. My thoughts are with you.

  11. There’s nothing good or easy about this kind of thing, Amanda–I’ve been there. My heart goes out to you….t

  12. qB says:

    I’m so sorry. Look after yourself and mourn well.

  13. dale says:

    Hugs, Amanda.

  14. Bane says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that! Take care of yourself; my prayers are with you.

  15. loren says:

    Here’s a virtual hug, words don’t mean much at times like this.

  16. timna says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. take care, take time.

  17. Patricia says:

    Amanda, I’m so sorry to learn of your loss. I’m thinking of you. With heartfelt condolences from a fellow Fellow . . .

  18. Amanda says:

    Thank you, all of you. Your kind words mean a lot, even though I can’t really get the words out to say so right now. But they do.

  19. Fred says:

    I thought it was brave of you to write that. Take your time, Amanda.

  20. chick says:

    I’ve been there recently, both father and father-in-law. My heart is with you.